Alcohol can change a lot about a person’s behavior. It can lower inhibitions, alter judgment, cause irritability, and create a bit of a lying problem.
While all these issues can damage interpersonal relationships, we’ll be focusing on the last one in this post.
What’s the link between alcoholics and lying? How should you react? Read on to find out.
Table of Contents
Things People With Drinking Problems Lie About
Before we dig deep into why lying is such a common issue with Alcohol use disorder (AUD), let’s check out what the lies are usually about.
- Their alcohol consumption. They’ll tell you it was one drink only.
- The effect alcohol has on them. They’ll say it relaxes them or makes them good company.
- How “in control” they are. Expect them to talk about how they know their limits and can quit anytime.
- Shifting the blame. They might frame things differently to show that whatever happened wasn’t their fault.
Why People With Alcohol Abuse Disorders Lie
Note that when a person suffering from AUD lies, they’re rarely doing it to be mean or hurt your feelings. There’s usually underlying shame and denial at play.
Shame
A person who suffers from alcohol addiction might feel bad about their reality. They probably can’t bear the idea of being seen at their lowest. So, they start embellishing to salvage their image.
It’s important to put yourself in the person’s shoes and see how they might be ashamed. This will be very important later because it’ll help you approach the issue without judgment.
Denial
Denial is so common in cases of alcohol misuse that it’s sometimes considered a symptom of the disease. And it’s the sort of symptom that can get progressively worse.
It starts as a defense mechanism when the person’s drinking habits bring in all sorts of problems at work or home.
When they say things like “I can stop drinking whenever I want,” they might believe it on some level (self-deception is a tricky thing). That doesn’t mean it’s true, though.
Alcohol itself changes the brain, making it harder for the person to get accurate insight regarding their health condition. Unfortunately, this only fuels the cycle of addiction.
Avoidance
Sometimes, people suffering from AUD don’t lie because they believe the lie. They do it in hopes that you might buy it.
If you poke around and ask a loved one about their drinking habit, they might see it as a mere interruption. Since addiction wants what it wants, it convinces them that the fastest way to get this conversation over with is to lie. Then, they’ll tell you whatever they think you want to hear.
Fear of forced change can also be a motivator here.
Maybe they know their addiction isn’t exactly great. Yet, drinking feels more comfortable and familiar than going through rehab and committing to sobriety. So, they do their best to avoid the change that an honest conversation would bring.
Reacting to the Lies
Looking away and ignoring the lies isn’t the answer. It just sends a message that they can get away with it again and again.
Instead, you want to let them know you’re not buying the lies.
Important Note: Don’t put yourself in danger. If you’re worried that your friend/family member will get violent during the confrontation, only do it in a safe space with a trained interventionist.
5 Tips for Dealing With a Loved One’s Constant Lying
So, going along with the lies is off the table. What else can you do?
Try to spot these lies, understand the motivation behind them, and get the person some help. You also need to do all that without hurting yourself along the way.
Getting in touch with a professional interventionist might be your best bet here, and we’ll get to the details in a minute. But, for now, let’s look at some nifty tips to keep in mind.
1. Educate Yourself
Start by reading about the disease itself and how the addiction cycle can affect the entire family.
The goal isn’t to learn enough to diagnose the drinking problem yourself. This is something that only trained healthcare professionals can do. Even then, they usually follow the guidelines in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM).
However, the idea here is to be able to put yourself in the person’s shoes. This step will also help brace you for what’s to come—withdrawal symptoms, detox, and behavioral therapy.
2. Don’t Become an Enabler
Sometimes, family members and friends will try to help but will go at it the wrong way. Despite their best intentions, they might actually turn into enablers.
Enabling in this context means allowing the destructive drinking behavior to continue and grow.
Take, for instance, making excuses for a loved one when they’re too hungover to go to work (again). Don’t lie on their behalf or cover up for them. This only shields them from the negative consequences of their actions.
Similarly, you can say that all these behaviors are forms of enabling an addiction:
- Tolerating alcohol abuse and all the symptoms that come with it (including the lies).
- Providing financial support when you know the person will use it to buy more alcohol.
- Taking over the person’s responsibilities (chores, childcare duties, assignments, etc.).
- Cleaning up the mess they left behind after yet another night of heavy drinking so they don’t feel embarrassed when they see it in the morning.
- Putting their needs above your well-being.
We realize this part can get incredibly painful. But, sometimes, you need to hold people you love accountable to help them get better.
3. Help Them Get Help
The lies will persist as long as the addiction does. So, the next step is to get the person the professional help they desperately need to work through their issues.
Look into alcohol rehab programs near you. If you believe your loved one has another mental health problem besides the drinking issue, you’ll want to check out the dual diagnosis approach as well.
You don’t have to figure out all the details about the available financial assistance and treatment options, though.
It’s enough to show the person you’re willing to help them access these resources. For one, you can tell them you’re ready to drive them to the treatment center, participate in therapy sessions, and support the aftercare plan.
4. Modulate Your Expectations
Getting a friend to admit they need help is a massive win, and it might just get them on the right path. That being said, getting admitted into a rehab center doesn’t mean they’re out of the woods.
You have to expect stumbles and relapses during the recovery process. The lies might pop back here and there, too.
Be patient with their progress and be involved in the treatment plan.
5. Take Care of Yourself
Maybe you’ll be able to convince your loved one to get help right away. Maybe it’ll take time. Either way, there’s no denying that you, too, might need a bit of help.
Consider joining an AL-Anon Family Group. Simply meeting people going through similar situations can lift the burden off your shoulders. You can discuss the constant lying and how it all is making you feel.
Support groups aside, it’s crucial to know where you fit in the treatment plan and set healthy boundaries. Otherwise, you’ll be draining your energy and straining your own mental health.
Confronting an Alcoholic With the Reality Through an Intervention
The initial face-to-face confrontation can be extremely emotional. Odds are, the person suffering from AUD will lie, lash out, and blame others. It might be hard to get them to hear you out and participate in the conversation.
If the thought of handling all that on your own sounds daunting, consider bringing a trained intervention specialist into the picture.
At Long Island Interventions, we understand how strong the denial and resistance to treatment can be. We stage our interventions with this in mind.
While every case is different, the intervention plan should focus on educating the family and considering the surrounding circumstances. As a result, the interventionalist can help you create a safe environment and find the right approach.
Take One Step Closer to Recovery Today
Between shame, denial, and the desire to keep drinking at the cost of any and everything, there’s a wide range of reasons why someone suffering from Alcohol Use Disorder might lie.
At the surface level, the lies are comfortable and easy. Still, the inner peace and self-esteem that come with honesty and sobriety are well worth the effort.
For more information about the treatment programs, get in touch with the Long Island Interventions team. Feel free to dial our confidential hotline and ask for an intervention consultation. We’ll help you figure out if this is the right move for your family.
Helpful Resources
- CDC’s “Check Your Drinking” Self-Assessment Tool
- SAMHSA’s “Small Conversations Make a Big Impression” Campaign (for parents)
Published on: 2025-04-26
Updated on: 2025-04-28
