When many people define addiction, the first thought that comes to their minds is about dependence on prescription or street medications and pills. Yet, another substance is just as addictive as drugs.
Whether a person refers to it by type (i.e., beer, vodka, wine or whiskey) or generic terms like booze, liquor or spirits, the chemical and liquid commonly consumed in popular beverages known as alcohol depresses a person’s central nervous system and impacts their brain in ways that cause a wide range of behavioral and physical changes. People with this chronic disease crave alcohol and can’t control this behavior or stop drinking.
Abuse of alcohol, known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), alcoholic abuse and alcoholism, does more than ruin the life and well-being of a person addicted to it. Common symptoms like anxiety, euphoria, sedation and rage often put the lives of those around them, especially their loved ones, at risk as well.
Experts often refer to AUD as a “family disease.” Living with an alcoholic husband presents significant emotional, practical and physical challenges for wives, frequently requiring specific coping mechanisms and support systems. Wives of alcoholics also experience communication problems and social frailty in addition to dissatisfaction with their marriage. Since a lot of alcoholics can’t manage their responsibilities, their wives must usually take over the management of their combined finances and education of their children, when applicable. Sometimes, they must even become caregivers for their husbands.
In this guide, we explore these challenges in more detail and treatment and other resources that can help you or a loved one free themselves from the adverse effects of alcoholism.
Table of Contents
Emotional and Psychological Impact
Any type of substance abuse can harm a wife. A cycle of alcohol abuse by their spouse can cause them to feel anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. It can make them feel emotionally and financially co-dependent. They often feel isolated and lonely as well.
As time passes, a wife’s emotions can turn from the hope that their spouse will improve to disappointment, anger and resentment, followed by guilt and shame.
How does this cycle often progress through a marriage?
- Wives often ignore that a problem exists or go to great lengths to help their partners stop drinking. They believe they can fix the problem if they pour out alcohol whenever they find it in the home, beg their partner to stop, or constantly monitor and control their husband’s activities. They might even make excuses for their spouse in social settings while trying to fix everything behind the scenes.
- In some cases, wives turn to alcohol or other addictive substances, one or more alternative intimate relationships, excess spending, or become reactively abusive to ease their pain, especially if they’ve been physically or verbally assaulted or lack sleep and personal care. If they have children or other dependents, they might turn against them instead of protecting them.
- If their efforts at ignoring or managing the situation fail or they become abusive, wives typically blame themselves. They then experience more intense guilt and shame. They lose their ability to function in healthy ways or maintain schedules. They often experience racing thoughts, negative self-talk and even suicidal ideation.
Serious Practical Challenges
A spouse’s compulsive drinking poses significant challenges for wives in terms of financial strain and instability, household management, childcare and social stigma. Wives of alcoholics often go through life feeling subservient and trapped in a marriage that requires that they take care of both their children and their spouse. They might experience the trauma of a serious automobile accident caused by their spouse or some form of domestic violence.
Wives of alcoholics can experience so much anxiety and fear that they’re unable to talk to others or reach out for help. This is especially true if their husband has any sort of mental health problem or toxic traits on top of their alcoholism or provides the primary source of income for the family. Safety concerns that extend to their children can lead to intervention from local or state protective services, which might result in their losing their rights as a parent.
The Impact on Children
Children who grow up in a home with alcoholism can experience intergenerational patterns of addiction, codependency and abuse. They’re more likely than other children to become adult alcoholics. In some homes, fathers introduce their children to alcohol by offering them a “taste” of it at a young age.
Wives typically can’t fully protect and support their children from an alcoholic spouse. As a result, their children usually experience similar behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical and psychosocial challenges as them. In addition to anxiety and depression, they might experience an eating disorder or obsessive-compulsive behaviors. They might also exhibit antisocial behavior and have problems making, building and keeping relationships with their peers.
Common negative influences in the home include:
- Arguments and physical fights
- Chaotic, disorganized home and schedule
- Emotional and/or physical neglect
- Fears about marital problems or divorce
- Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
- Genetic and other physical substance abuse risk factors
- Lack of family structure
- Poverty and related stress
Children who come from homes with one or both parents abusing alcohol often experience academic problems. They might have a learning impairment, poor early speech and language development, or difficulty with focus that leads to low math, reading or spelling scores and overall grades. If a child or teen becomes an addict as well, needs to lash out, or serves as a caregiver for one or both parents, they might feel suicidal, get into fights, or skip school. Additionally, children of alcoholics are less likely to pursue some form of secondary education at a two-year or four-year college.
Coping Mechanisms and Support
Some wives avoid the problem or deny one exists as a coping mechanism. Although it can help them protect against feeling like they’re responsible for their spouse’s actions, it’s not the healthiest way to cope. Confrontation can also end badly if the husband is prone to anger, rage and verbal or physical violence when intoxicated. If they confront the problem with what experts call a “high-functioning alcoholic” who can still perform well in a job, maintain relationships outside of the home, and seem successful and stable to others, they might have difficulty finding support from people in their immediate and community social circles.
It’s important for a wife to become detached from their husband’s actions and set boundaries. They need to recognize they aren’t the source of the addiction and that they alone can’t fix it. They need support from other people who have experienced similar trauma, which is why Al-Anon and other support groups play a critical role in helping wives cope in healthy ways. Professional counseling and therapy in combination with self-care strategies like exercise, hobbies and meditation can help.
Paths to Change and Healing
An alcoholic’s journey to recovery requires a lot of hard work on their part. They must on their own or via an intervention seek addiction treatment with family therapy. Their wife must decide whether to stay as a source of continued love and support or leave the relationship to begin their own journey toward healing.
When is the right time to leave? There are no set rules, but experts agree that a wife should reconsider staying in a marriage that is adversely affecting their emotional, physical and financial well-being, especially if their interventions to help their husband haven’t worked, they’re unable to take care of their own life and family, they’re remaining in the marriage because of fear or guilt, their husband shows no sign of wanting to stop or stopping, or the home has become a dangerous place where abuse can happen at any time.
Regardless of an alcoholic husband’s choices, a wife must always focus on their well-being. When applicable, they must also prioritize the health, safety and well-being of their children.
Helpful Resources to Read
National Library of Medicine MedlinePlus: Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)
https://medlineplus.gov/alcoholusedisorderaud.html
NIH National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator
https://alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov/
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline
You Don’t Have to Deal With an Alcoholic Spouse Alone
Although wives of alcoholics in Long Island and the surrounding New York area face many challenges (i.e., emotional, physical, financial and even legal), they and other family members don’t have to remain stuck in the never-ending cycle of life with an alcohol addict. A path of empowerment and healing exists that offers hope, strategies for self-care, and professional support.
Whether you’re a wife or another person worried about the mental health and overall well-being of a loved one, a team of caring medical and other professionals is available at Long Island Interventions to assist you on this journey with counseling, therapy and other holistic supportive services. They also have a wide range of treatment programs for people suffering from one or more addictions that include tailored treatment plans, medically supervised detox, evidence-based rehab, aftercare and alumni programs. These programs include both inpatient and outpatient options, ensuring a level of care that suits individual needs.
For more information, contact Long Island Interventions today by calling us or using our convenient, confidential Contact Us form.
Published on: 2025-03-06
Updated on: 2025-03-06
